EQ (Emotional Quotient) is one of the key traits of a Leader in the modern world. There was a time when the IQ was the hero, but now EQ is at the top.
The book "Hit Refresh" by Satya Nadella talks about how he used Empathy to refresh the culture at Microsoft and instilled new energy and a new sense of purpose in the company.
In this post, I want to discuss a simple technique to improve EQ.
I am not a researcher or an academician, so whatever I write is based on my experience and observation. And it has worked for me.
To start with let us define EQ so that we all are on the same page.
In simple words, EQ can be defined as being aware of our own emotions. i.e we are aware of what we speak, how we feel, and what makes us feel the way we are feeling.
The idea is, by being aware of our own state of mind and emotions, we would be able to understand others as well. And when we are equipped to understand others, we can engage with them empathetically.
This is the theory.
That is, it defines the What and Why part of EQ. But I am concerned about the "How" part.
How can I engage with others empathetically?
The solution that has worked for me is "Watching my Intentions".
We deal with people all the time; In our personal lives and in professional career.
During the interaction with others, at times, we are being told what to do and at times we are telling others, what they should do.
This is a continuous process.
The point where Leadership comes into picture and so EQ becomes important is when you are telling others what to do - what is your Intention then?
Let me take an example to explain this.
Let us say you are a Team lead and one of the freshman who joined your team recently is lagging behind in performance. And so you decide to talk to him about it.
There are 2 ways in which the discussion could be carried.
1. Talk about the potential
You could talk about the potential you see in the freshman. You help him understand how his current performance is not matching his potential. You enquire if there are any issues or challenges at work, at home. You offer to help him in every way possible so that his performance could be improved.
2. Talk about the performance gap
The other approach is you call up the freshman and talk about the deficiencies in the performance. You talk about the short-falls in his/her and how you are in the line of fire because of it. You ask the freshman to buckle up or be ready for the consequences.
It is no rocket science to understand the difference between the 2 discussion approaches.
The relationship between Emotional Intelligence and Intentions
In approach 1, you are probably agitated with the performance dip and you feel it can be improved and so you are talking to the freshman. You are trying to understand if there are any challenges and solve them so that the freshman can perform better. You are concerned about the results and also the freshman. And probably, the freshman is feeling the pressure but he/she is also feeling that you can be approached if needed. And it is comforting isn't it. We all want to have some support system to fall back on in tough situations.
In approach 2, you are probably agitated with the performance dip and you simply put it all on the freshman. You are not showing any concern. You are not interested to know if there is something that is bothering the freshman which is impacting the performance. The freshman is feeling belittled in this approach. He/she is feeling lonely in the battle.
Maybe you didn't mean to belittle the freshman. But that's how he/she has felt.
And the ability to understand how the other might feel is Empathy, the cornerstone of EQ. Isn't it?
So, to be more empathetic, one has to be conscious, be mindful of the conversation, the action and its impact on the other person.
It doesn't happen overnight but with practice, it does happen.
In summary, better EQ is an outcome of being mindful and being conscious of the actions and their impact on other people.
Do share your what you feel about EQ and what are the methods you use to improve it...
Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
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